Ten Days

Ten days until I say "I do".
Ten days until my life forever changes, in ways that I can only begin to grasp.
Ten days I still have to change my mind (but I'm not!)
Ten days until I marry my best friend.
Wow.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking "What in the world am I doing?!?!? Am I really ready for this?"  I see godly couples around me who have great marriages and subconsciously hope that my marriage will also be a godly marriage.  Yes, if there is one thing that I desire from the very depths of my heart is that Christ would be glorified through our marriage.

Oh yes, I know I am guilty of having fuzzy feelings and not totally realizing all of the not-so-wonderful aspects of being married--the small, everyday things that have the potential of becoming the elephant in the room, or the hard work that it will take just to keep a house running smoothly.

I don't know how this is all going to work, because I am a sinner.  Sometimes I scare even myself with my sinful nature that is still very real and present.  It is easy to think that getting married is going to magically resolve the fact that I am a sinner, but I know that is not true.  In fact, I'm sure God is going to use it to refine and sanctify me.

A selection from The Valley of Vision says it better than I can say it.

The Cry of a Convicted Sinner 

Thou righteous and holy Sovereign,
In Whose hand is my life and whose are all my ways,
Keep me from fluttering about religion;
     fix me firm in it,
     for I am irresolute;
     my decisions are smoke and vapour,
     and I do not glorify thee,
     or behave according to thy will;
Cut me not off before my thoughts grow to responses,
    and the budding of my soul into full flower,
     for thou art forbearinga nd good,
     patient and kind.
Save me from  myself,
    from the artifices and deceits of sin,
    from the treachery of my perverse nature,
    from denying thy charge against my offences,
    from a life of continual rebellion against thee,
    from  wrong principles, views, and ends;
    for I know that all my thoughts, affections,
    desires and pursuits are alienated from thee.
I have acted as if I hated thee, although thou are love itself;
    have contrived to tempt thee to the uttermost,
    to wear out thy patience;
    have lived evilly in word and action.
Had I been a prince,
    I would long ago have crushed such a rebel;
Had I been a father
    I would long since have rejected my child.
O, thou Father of my spirit,
    thou King of my life,
       cast me not into destruction,
       drive me not from thy presence,
       but wound my heart that it may be healed;
       break it that thine own hand may make it whole.   

I am so looking forward to getting married and learning what it means to truly love, but God is going to have to be the one in charge of our marriage.  Isaac and I can't do it on our own.  It will only be by God's enabling  power and grace that our marriage will be anything that can bring glory to Him.