Ten Days

Ten days until I say "I do".
Ten days until my life forever changes, in ways that I can only begin to grasp.
Ten days I still have to change my mind (but I'm not!)
Ten days until I marry my best friend.
Wow.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking "What in the world am I doing?!?!? Am I really ready for this?"  I see godly couples around me who have great marriages and subconsciously hope that my marriage will also be a godly marriage.  Yes, if there is one thing that I desire from the very depths of my heart is that Christ would be glorified through our marriage.

Oh yes, I know I am guilty of having fuzzy feelings and not totally realizing all of the not-so-wonderful aspects of being married--the small, everyday things that have the potential of becoming the elephant in the room, or the hard work that it will take just to keep a house running smoothly.

I don't know how this is all going to work, because I am a sinner.  Sometimes I scare even myself with my sinful nature that is still very real and present.  It is easy to think that getting married is going to magically resolve the fact that I am a sinner, but I know that is not true.  In fact, I'm sure God is going to use it to refine and sanctify me.

A selection from The Valley of Vision says it better than I can say it.

The Cry of a Convicted Sinner 

Thou righteous and holy Sovereign,
In Whose hand is my life and whose are all my ways,
Keep me from fluttering about religion;
     fix me firm in it,
     for I am irresolute;
     my decisions are smoke and vapour,
     and I do not glorify thee,
     or behave according to thy will;
Cut me not off before my thoughts grow to responses,
    and the budding of my soul into full flower,
     for thou art forbearinga nd good,
     patient and kind.
Save me from  myself,
    from the artifices and deceits of sin,
    from the treachery of my perverse nature,
    from denying thy charge against my offences,
    from a life of continual rebellion against thee,
    from  wrong principles, views, and ends;
    for I know that all my thoughts, affections,
    desires and pursuits are alienated from thee.
I have acted as if I hated thee, although thou are love itself;
    have contrived to tempt thee to the uttermost,
    to wear out thy patience;
    have lived evilly in word and action.
Had I been a prince,
    I would long ago have crushed such a rebel;
Had I been a father
    I would long since have rejected my child.
O, thou Father of my spirit,
    thou King of my life,
       cast me not into destruction,
       drive me not from thy presence,
       but wound my heart that it may be healed;
       break it that thine own hand may make it whole.   

I am so looking forward to getting married and learning what it means to truly love, but God is going to have to be the one in charge of our marriage.  Isaac and I can't do it on our own.  It will only be by God's enabling  power and grace that our marriage will be anything that can bring glory to Him.

In some ways, these days are some of the most exciting days of my life: In less than two months, I will be getting married.  In other ways, these days are some of the most difficult .  God is taking me and my family through a time that I never would have imagined He would be taking us.  At times the weight seems more than I can bear.  And then God reminds me that He is here, right by my side.  He is the One Who has allowed things to happen in the first place.  He is the One wants me to glorify Him and find my joy in Him. However, I do have the option to do otherwise.  

Just yesterday, I heard an old song that I believe was penned by St. Francis de Assisi.  With a beautiful and rich melody, this prayer-like song encouraged and blessed my heart.  

Lord make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

And where there is sadness, joy.

O divine master grant that I may

not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love

For it is in giving that we receive-

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

The Spirit's Work

This section from The Valley of Vision was a particular blessing and challenge to me today:

            

"O God the Holy Spirit,

Thou who dost proceed from the Father and the Son,
     have mercy on me.
When thou didst first hover over chaos,
    order came to birth,
    beauty robed the world, fruitfulness sprang forth.
Move, I pray thee, upon my disordered heart;
Take away the infirmities of unruly desires
    and hateful lusts;
Lift the mists and darkness of unbelief;
Brighten my soul with the pure light of truth;
Make it fragrant as the garden of paradise,
    rich with every goodly fruit,
    beautiful with heavenly grace,
    radiant with rays of divine light.
Fulfil in me the glory of thy divine offices;
Be my comforter, light, guide, sanctifier;
Take of the things of Christ and show them to my soul;
Through thee may I daily learn more of his love,
    grace, compassion, faithfulness, beautiy;
Lead me to the cross and show me his wounds,
    the hateful nature of evil, the power of Satan;
May I there see my sins as
    the nails that transfixed him,
    the cords that bound him,
    the thorns that tore him,
    the sword that pierced him.
Help me to find in his death the reality
    and immensity of his love.
Open for me the wondrous volumes of truth
    in his, 'It is finished'.
Increase my faith in the clear knowledge of
    atonement achieved, expiation completed,
    satisfaction made, guilt done away,
    my debt paid, my sins forgiven,
    my person redeemed, my soul saved,
    hell vanquished, heaven opened,
    eternity made mine.
O Holy Spirit, deepen in me these saving lessons.
Write them upon my heart, that my walk be
    sin-loathing, sin-fleeing, Christ loving;
And suffer no devil's device to beguile
    or deceive me. " 

(Taken from The Valley of Vision "The Spirit's Work," page 56.)

Hallelujah!

Resurrection Sunday.  Such an incredible day to celebrate.  I would like to be able to sit down and write an eloquent post on it, but I can't.  However, that doesn't mean that the significance of this event is consequently lost.  Please no!  Whether or not I continue to grow in my understanding of the fundamental necessity of the resurrection to my Christian faith, the truth remains: without the resurrection, there would be no salvation, there would be no hope, there would be no sanctification.  

Jesus is alive!  How does that affect my present circumstances?  How does that change my perspective of the future?  How does that impact my relationship with Him?   My mind cannot seem to sort out specific and detailed answers right now for these questions, but I rest in the certainty that Christ has conquered death and that He has "begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 Peter 1:3-5)

I am humbled that Christ loved me enough to die on the cross for my sins. I rejoice and praise Him that He had to rise from the dead and leave that tomb empty so that one day, we too may "also be in the likeness of his resurrection. (Romans 6:5)

Christ is risen! 

He is risen indeed! 

P.s. If you have not already done so recently, go read 1 Corinthians 15 for a solid case presented on why Christ had to rise again and why His resurrection is fundamental to our faith!  

Pinterest and Scarves

I have recently become {somewhat} hooked on Pinterest.  It is fun to have at one's fingertips so many ideas on how to become an efficient cook and homemaker, ultimate Do-It-Yourself-er, and maybe even a successful seamstress.  The resources are plentiful...and seem practically bottomless.   I don't know if anyone else has this feeling, but I have the problem of never really getting around to actually trying out the ideas and seeing if they work!

Well, about three years ago, I fell in love with {scarves} (Well, I have also fallen in love with Isaac Stanley, but that wasn't quite three years ago and the story would require its own post!)  Anyway, when my aunt gave me my first scarf from Afghanistan--a long, narrow, black crocheted-type scarf with specks of green and pink, as well as little sequins-- I smiled and politely said "thank you," while inside, I thought, "What in the world am I going to do with this?!?"   Ahh, that scarf has since become one of my favorites!  

Once I finally decided to go out on a limb and risk looking totally ridiculous in a scarf, I loved it!  Do you know how much fun scarves can be?  With just one scarf, you can dress up a plain t-shirt. Or, use different scarves with the same shirt and you get a totally different look!  Or sometimes...well, you get the idea. :)  

Needless to say, I now have a pile of scarves in my closet...several from Israel that my dad brought back for me, a solid green one from India that my dear friend Claudia, the previously-mentioned one from Afghanistan has been joined by another one from the same aunt,  as well as a bright cheapy Family Dollar scarf...and the list could go on.  

Soo, I've recently noticed the popular use of infinity scarves this winter.  They're fun and have a different look to them.  But,  I hate to spend money if I don't actually need the item I want to buy (just ask Isaac...or my family.  They'll tell you how often I talk myself out of buying something!) So, as fun as infinity scarves look, I still haven't talked myself into getting any. 

Well, I ran across this genius idea on Pintrest for turning a regular, long, narrow scarf into an infinity scarf!  I've tried it and it works! (And actually, it can be done with a large square one as well, you just have to loop it around a little differently!)  

Here's the idea: 

"I have a ton of pashmina scarves that I love for their pattern or color, but I prefer infinity scarves when it comes to the actual style. I figured out a solution last year and now do this all the time. 

If you have a long rectangular scarf, just tie the two ends together by the corners, and put it on like a circle scarf. If you wanted to, you could just sew it together at the ends, but this is super quick and you can take it apart at the end of the day. " 

Ta-dah!  I knew I didn't have to go out and buy an infinity scarf!  

So you see, Pinterest does have some good ideas...they can save you money...and they can be incredibly fun as well...especially when you get to do it yourself and you get to save money at the same time! :)  

Sometimes God chooses to overwhelm us with His goodness, just because He can.  

Right now, my heart is overflowing with thankfulness to Him for His goodness which He has shown in very concrete ways over the last few days.  

"My soul, wait thou only upon God;  

for my expectation is from him. 

He only is my rock and my salvation: 

He is my defense; 

I shall not be moved. 

In God is my salvation and my glory: 

The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. 

Trust in him at all times; ye people,

 Pour out your heart before him: 

God is a refuge for us. 

Selah.  

Psalm 62:5-8 

Suddenly, my life feels like a whirlwind.  Can it be that it has not even been a month since I got engaged to my best friend, Isaac Stanley?  Is this really happening?

At times, it seems like it is just a dream. But it is not.  It is real. It is going to happen in just a few short months: I am going to get married! :)  Yes, I am happy.  Very happy. And excited.  And maybe a little stressed.  But that's ok.

I may or may not be writing more posts about wedding planning and such here...we'll see how that all goes.