Becoming a Reality (in three weeks)

The days are beginning to come to a close; my time with my family is almost gone. There are precisely three weeks left until my parents, Melissa, and Jared board the airline at Kansas City Internation airport on June 9th, leaving Patrice and I here--HELP! As you can imagine, my emotions are commencing to make a very real appearance!

For the past ten days or so, I stayed with the Franklin family, whom I will be staying with after my parents leave. Because I just started a job, I really couldn't go along with the rest of my family when they went up to Montana to visit relatives and two of our supporting churches. It was during this time of separation that the reality of this pending "nightmare" began to sink in: it really is going to happen--I really will be living apart from my parents in the very-near future!

While at times the thought of going off to college sounds exciting, thrilling, and full of adventure, the accompanying implications of living here in the US, separated from everyone and everything that is familiar, is enough to dampen my spirits a bit. A few times throughout the last few days, I have felt almost overwhelmed with the realization of the reality of it all. "Can I really do this?" I've often asked myself. Each time, my mental answer has been: "Well, it's still a long time off in the future; you'll handle it when the time comes." Well, now the time is almost upon me, and I'm not sure if I'll be strong and get through it or not!

It was with such thoughts and emotions boiling near the surface of my heart and mind that I arrived at church last Sunday. As several of my past posts have already mentioned, we have been going through a fantastic series in Sunday school that is by Dr. Jim Berg, examining the character of God and confirming time and again that He is more than enough for our every need! By the end of the hour, I sat amazed at the way God works--the lesson was exactly what I needed!

Why do I say that? Well, would you believe that the very subject of the entire Sunday School hour was our emotions--the very thing I had been struggling with for the past few days? Perhaps the most revealing truth was that "my thoughts dictate my emotions!" So basic, yet so real! If I don't think about something, I won't have emotions about it! Conversely, in order to sustain an emotion, I must think about it!

Now, I'm not saying that in order to get through the next few days and weeks I will simply ignore the inevitable. No, the facts will not go away by mentally saying they don't exist. What I am saying, however, is that it was very freeing, to me, to discover that it is possible for me to control my emotions and sadness about this all! I do have the power to choose what I think about and by avoiding the negative thought patterns of "poor me" that have threatened to make their appearance with increasing frequency lately, I will also be avoiding the negative emotions that accompany them! I don't know. . . am I making any sense at all?

Needless to say, even with all that said, please keep me and my family in your prayers. While I know countless missionary kids have gone through this very thing and have survived (!), this is a first for me.

Trusting in Him,
Angie

The Next Step. . .

Well, some of you are probably wondering what has happened in my life, especially everything involving my quest of a job. All I can say is that God works everything out for the best--every time! Some times it doesn't always seem like the best thing at the moment, but then other times, it works out how we think is the best. In my situation, God saw fit to allow me to re-take the functional capacity test and pass it! Not only did I achieve the required level 3 in my overall score of the various tasks I had to perform, but exceeded it by a whole point and a half! I can only say that it was of the Lord--especially when the lady who stepped me through it all said that because of my score, I would really to have to work hard in order to pass! She really didn't give me much hope to pass, and asked if I even wanted to proceed to take the test right then and there.

Needless to say, I really didn't want to spend days working out trying to build my strength, so I decided to go ahead and try, even though my chances of achieving the required level #3 were slim. My reasoning was that, if I still didn't pass, well then, perhaps that was God's was of telling me, the second time, that this job was not for me.

The result: As I already mentioned at the beginning of this note, I did pass the test, which in turn means that, upon taking the "drug test," I willl have the job! I am still baffled at the possibility of such a varience in the results of the tests; nonetheless, I am thankful for the way God worked this all out! It is wonderful to now be able to see a little clearer the next step that I am to take in this journey along the road called "life."



Thankful,
Angie

A Door, a window, or neither?

Have any of you come to the point where you are not sure whether something happened because it is God's will (I mean, of course nothing happens without God allowing it, but rather, "did this happen because it is a sign that 'the door is closed'"?) or wondered if it was simply an opportunity to exercise your faith and determination in order to proceed, even though there were some obstacles to overcome in order to do so?

My reason is asking this is that I found out today that I didn't quite pass the functional capacity test I had to do for my job. Everything about this job opportunity appeared like the best thing--it seemed like God was working everything out perfectly! What more could I ask for--the pay is better than I was getting at my other job, it is right across the street from where I'll be living this summer, I can even go full-time during the summer months! It all was seeming to fit together like puzzle pieces! But then...I didn't pass this test. Why?

When I first found out, one of my first thoughts was: "Well, I guess God has something better for me." But is that really so? Is He truly closing this door because He has something else in store for me that will be, in the long run, much better for me, even though it seemed like the ideal job opportunity, or is this simply an obstacle to be hurdled? Am I to passively accept this as "God's will" and do nothing more about it--to give up--or does He want something more of me? How am I to determine the fine line of accepting God's will for my life, doing my best to accomplish what God wants for my life, yet at the same time, not push my way into something that God doesn't want me to be in? How do I determine when God has closed the door and there is not a window for me to go through instead?

The lady that interviewed me said that there have been times when someone doesn't pass this test, but then they re-take it and they pass. Is this whole thing because God wants to test my faith? Is He trying to tell me that He has other plans--plans of good, and not of evil? Is He telling me to trust Him--that He is in control, that none of this was a surprise to Him? Or is He trying to show me that I need to try again and press onward, even though there may be difficulties because I feel this is where He wants me?

Interestingly, I read this verse this morning in my devotions: "Man's goings are of the LORD; how can a man then understand his own way?" (Proverbs 20:24), and it seemed to be talking about me. I really don't understand why God allowed this obstacle to come up; I cannot be certain of the course of that I am now to take. However, I take comfort in one thing: It is all of Him, and He is the One leading me down each path of my life, no matter how dark or unknown it may seem!

Random Pictures

Okay, I get the hint--you want more pictures! Well, here goes some very random pictures from the last few weeks!

Making a snowman from the 18+ inches we got (we're all in t-shirts because it was warm out, in case you thought it looked a little out of place!)

The finished product--Mr. Hunter!

Mr. Hunter became a seat to sit on after he melted apart. (Not sure anyone sat on it for very long though!)

Patrice's birthday

Somone was tired. . .he just couldn't quite make it up the stairs.

Pudim de Leite ("Milk pudding") a traditional Brazilian dessert that was served at a gathering after our Mission's banquet (yes, we actually had a big dinner, then went to someone else's house and ate some more--this time some Brazilian food!)

Squished on one chair, but that's okay because the food was good--espeitinhos, Guaraná, and farofa! mmmm!

Lincoln (otherwise known as Jared) at the Lincoln Museum suvenir (sp?) shop.


Don't worry, Melissa didn't fall on her head!

What happens when we go on "spur-of-the-moment" picnics-- we forgot to bring anything to roast the marshmallows with! (Not to even mention that we couldn't get the fire going for the hamburgers!)

Up in Minnesota--the Lehrman kids with the Geber girls. We had a wonderful evening with them, even though it had been almost ten years since the last time we saw them! Yeah, everyone looked just a little bit different than the last time! :)

Happy Easter!

He is Alive!

Our Savior is Risen!

Years ago, He died for our sins, but did He stay in the grave?

No, He is no longer dead, but alive!

He triumphed over sin and the grave,

and in turn, gave us life and victory!

He now lives in the hearts of all those who believe in Him!

Jesus is the reason for this celebration--

May you all have a wonderful day as you celebrate the ressurrection of our Savior!

My #1 Priority!

"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in his word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I
say, more than they that watch for the morning." Psalm 130:5-6

It seems like every time I've started to do my Bible reading lately, a little nagging voice comes to my mind, saying: "You're just quickly doing this so you can get on to doing something else. You're rushing through this to say that you've done it, you've spent at least ten minutes in the Word, and you can check it off on your 'devotions calendar' that you did it, isn't it? When was the last time you wrote something down in your journal?" And that little voice is right: I fear that my quiet time with the Lord has slowly become more and more a rushed and hastily completed activity than a time of communing with God and seeking His face.

Now, I'm going to let you in on something that I have told very few people: A while back, I decided that I would not get on Facebook until I had done my devotions, as I've discovered firsthand how addicting and time-wasting Facebook really is. And if I may say so without bragging, I have been able to keep that commitment. However, I think I may have to do the same with Blogger. . .ahhh, I think I have discovered something about myself lately--I love to write and express my thoughts in writing! But, even something as good as blogging can be harmful if it comes before and between my relationship with God!

Psalm 130:6 says that "My soul waits for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning:" The immediate picture that came to mind when I read those words was that of a person who is lying in bed, wide awake, and watching the digital clock on the bedstand change it's numbers, minute by minute. A few minutes seem like an eternity, and still rest is not to be found. The minutes tick into hours, and the person is resolved to his plight: He will have to wait for the first signs of dawn to break the sky for a reason to get up! He cannot wait! It is all he can think about: "Oh how good it will be when morning finally comes!"

In the same way a person awaits morning after a sleepless night, I too should wait for the Lord. I cannot wait to get up and meet with God; I cannot wait to put aside that page-turning book and open up the Bible! I cannot wait to spend a few extra minutes jotting down my thoughts on what God taught me through His Word, even though I really want to do something else! My heart and mind look forward to spending this time with God--it is not just a dutiful reading of a few chapters because I know it is what I'm supposed to do. Rather, it is the most treasured time of my day--it is all I can think about! And until it is done, everything else is insignificant and unimportant! It is the number one priority of my day and everything revolves around it!

Unfortunately, the above paragraph does not describe me. I fear (and in my heart, I know the truth) that I have been giving more time to writing something for others to read than seeking what the Master Author has written for me to read; I have spent significantly more time checking the blogspots of various friends than "checking in" with the best Friend of all times. In short, I've allowed something good to become a hindrance, and I don't want that!

So. . . this is my resolution: From now on, I want my #1 priority of each and every day to be my personal time with God! It's hard, but something has got to change if I am going to take baby-steps forward, instead of backward, in my relationship with God! Nothing else in my leisure time until I have met with God through His Word!

A quick note: I got the job! Yay! I''ll be helping in the "dietary" part, which is a fancy word for helping with different duties that are kicthen-related, but hey! It's a job! I won't be starting right away, as I have to do a "functional capacity" test (which is simply a test to make sure that I won't hurt myself doing whatever I'll be doing) and then a drug test (I don't think I need to be worried about that! haha) Then, once I pass both of those, I'll start training!